Carrie's Birth Story

For the week leading up to her appearance, I was routinely having 2 or 3 painless contractions about 10 minutes apart and then they would stop. This often happened in the middle of the night during my daily insomnia time in the 2-3am hour. Since Derek's contractions got bad at 3:30am I would pay attention to an extent, but they never got closer than 10 minutes apart.

The night she came, I was up at 2 and felt one, so I started reading on my tablet just so I could time the next one. I had a couple 15 minutes apart, a couple 10 minutes apart and then two at 5 minutes apart. I got excited then, but then they stopped. I was still feeling not quite right, but there weren't active contractions. I woke up Mike and said it might be time to call the doctor just to get advice because I wasn't feeling right, but that I wasn't sure. This was just before 3am. While I was listening to the message on the doctor's line about the pager number for the midwife on call, my water broke. More like exploded. Luckily I had been sleeping on a hospital pad for a week or so, so Mike just had to throw it at me and we managed to save the carpet. :) I called the midwife right at 3am and told her and she gave us the go-ahead to come on in.

Meanwhile, Mike threw the bags in the car and grabbed the few things on the list that weren't prepacked like the tablet, chargers, and camera. I knew the contractions could potentially get worse and quicker after the water breaking so I was ready to hit the road and got a little testy when he took time to brush his teeth and put in contacts. ;) Luckily we had some hospital pads and materials in a bag from my friend, so we wrapped me up in that stuff and grabbed another big one for the car and got out of here at 3:15.

I had several more painful contractions in the car that were lasting longer and longer. They were similar to the ones I had in the car last time, so I started thinking about the realistic concern of missing my epidural window. Last time I got to the hospital at 7.5cm and by the time they spent the 90+ minutes giving me fluids and waiting for the epidural guy, they put it in and I was at 9. They told me that was one of the reasons for being such an ineffective pusher which led to him getting stuck which led to the drop in heart rate which led to the vacuum which led to the tear. I spent a lot of time during this pregnancy wondering if I'd have the guts to turn down the epidural if I was faced with the same window to help me push better and avoid everything else.

When we got to the hospital, the girl checking me in was NOT in a hurry at all. I spent a lot more time waiting for her than I did last time. However it was still probably less than 10 minutes, maybe even as little as 5 since we left at 3:15 and it was only 3:30 at this point. They started getting really strong at that point, enough that just breathing through them wasn't working. Finally they took me to triage. I flopped on to the bed right at 3:30.

Then all heck broke loose. The worst contractions are from 7-10cm. That was the stuff I had for between 90min and 2 hours last time while waiting for the epidural. There aren't even words for those. I couldn't make words, just noises. I curled up in a ball on my side like I did last time because that helped last time. But she wouldn't let me stay there because she had to check and see where I was. I remember saying I was going to die - but that's probably a common complaint because she was just like Nope honey you're not but you do have to roll over! I was less than compliant. :) I also realized in my head at that point that I was probably out of time in the pain drugs department. Then she announced with a surprised voice "She's fully dilated, we have to get her to a room now!" My only response was "THERE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE DRUGS!" She said "Well, there are not going to be any of those. But there is going to be a baby - soon!"

Thankfully they wheeled me - last time I had to walk to my room. They ran - just like a TV show! The super painful animal contractions stopped and I could totally tell she was on her way. Again, just like TV I said something like I can't not push! She's coming right now! And then they wanted me to move to the other bed. Again, not very compliant. I was like nope how about right here. I have 3 marks on both an arm and leg that appear to be slight bruises from being moved - I imagine that's when I got those.

The next contraction they told me to push. I was still crying about how there were supposed to be drugs. Between the midwife, the two nurses, and Mike, someone finally convinced me that I was going to have to do this but that the pain would be over super quickly since she was so close. The next contraction her head was almost out, then I whined through one about the pain, and the next two pushes she was out - at 3:49.

So last time, the contractions went from annoying to painful to animalistic in 2.5 hours. This time it was about 5-10 minutes.

Having a baby without pain meds is so different. Seriously - the second after she was out I felt crazy good. Not only was I like dude I had a baby with no drugs! I was also feeling this super high of being not pregnant. The end of pregnancy is so horrible and uncomfortable, but the second she was out my heartburn stopped and I just felt - not pregnant. I don't know how else to describe it. My brain was also thinking no epidural, so no tear! I asked if I tore and apparently that's not something that is apparent very quickly.

Then all of a sudden all their faces got very serious and the midwife looked at me and said, we're going to need to wake up the doctor to fix this. Sigh. That's when I really lost it. That mentally hurt more than any of the physical pain, because I still remember last time. It took 2 hours for them to figure out the best plan of attack and then for the doctor to do it. I had a little novicane here and there while they worked, but without the epidural I had to endure a lot of the awfulness of the stitching, too. Again, worse than the birth because it just wouldn't end.

It's been almost a week now, and I'm still in pain. On top of that, the toddler and husband are both sick with a terrible cold. I can't even imagine having an illness that would make me sneeze or cough. Swallowing and sitting both hurt. I had to take her to her pediatrician appointment on Wednesday and sitting in the car and in the office made it even worse. So basically baby and I have been living in the bedroom. Occasionally in the height of his medicine effectiveness hubby showers, changes his clothes, and wears a mask to take her for a little while, and my mom's cold is very minor so she wears a mask to bring us food and spends some time sitting in the room. I did come down for the toddler's speech appointment on Thursday and wore a mask for my own protection from the boys. I miss them! That's the hardest part. I just don't want to get sick. I have a minor cold, my ears and nose are plugged, but I have only coughed 2 times. That was 2 times too many, but if I can just make it another week without getting the illness I'll be that much more healed and will be able to survive.

Luckily she is very mellow - how could she not be? She's been held for most of her life! :) She does like the rainforest mat with its music and lights and she liked the swing at one point too. She hasn't grown to love the buzzy chair yet, but I'm hoping that's next. She doesn't hate it, it just doesn't lull her to sleep like I want it to!

That's all the news from this corner of our world. :)

Birthday = Halfway

Today marks the day that I've had a baby on the outside for as long as I had a baby on the inside. I like him on the outside better. :)

Weary

If the first three days hadn't been weekend with another adult here, I wouldn't have made it this far. I don't know how I am going to manage today, especially because he only slept for 3 hours. I can't 'sleep when the baby is sleeping' because I have to pump regardless of whether he's awake or asleep and there's only about 90 useful minutes between the end of a session and the beginning of another during the day. (Why am I typing here? Because I'm stuck in this spot for another 8 minutes.)

After we saw evidence of a huge improvement and healing gut (36 hours of exclusively feeding formula) I cheated and let him nurse once. I made it at a time where he wasn't going to get much due to the pumping schedule, but he did still have a reaction. Small, but it was there. I did the same thing about 24 hours later and got an even smaller reaction. We'll see about today. Unfortunately we can't settle for "oh it's just a small reaction" and stay there forever because it would be a long-term problem. But maybe the small reactions now are showing that my body is getting cleaner.

It's so hard to deal with the formula thing, just logistically. Once they start a bottle they have to finish it in a reasonable time (hour-ish) or you have to dump it. Sometimes he takes 4 ounces (that's a meal sized bottle) but sometimes he falls asleep and only eats 1 ounce. You wouldn't want to have to throw 3 out, so we try to anticipate based on when he last ate, time of day, pre/post nap or overnight, etc. Luckily you can mix some and leave it in the fridge for a day. We have been mixing several times a day and then pouring out of the mix into a bottle as we dole it out.

Except then he throws me a curve ball and sleeps for 3 hours instead of 6+. Then I have a screaming baby upstairs, a husband who has to get up for work 40 minutes later that I'm trying to let sleep, and no small bottle ready to give - if it's even hunger that is the problem! In nursing world, you try that, and whether his problem is hunger or something else, it usually worked. This whole bottle thing makes me feel like a beginner all over again!

Highs and Lows of a Regular Day

At dinner tonight we talked about how today was the first day that really just felt like a "regular" day in many ways. We woke up at (a new life) reasonable time (AFTER I SLEPT FOR ALMOST 6 CONSECUTIVE HOURS WHICH I HAVE NOT DONE SINCE EARLY PREGNANCY!), went to the farmer's market, ran a couple errands, came home, I scrapbooked while the baby napped and Mike ran, we cooked and ate dinner, and watched the Orioles game. It felt like for a tiny little bit of time, we were in a groove and just living life. We even ALMOST got a smile on film today. Even though he doesn't quite get the whole smile going, he totally says "hi".

Heh...you heard it, right? ;) I remember when I took linguistics in college they taught us about how babies are all hard wired to make every possible sound for every language that exists. Eventually we lose the ability to make the sounds from other languages which is why we can't easily mimic the clicking languages of sub-Saharan Africa at this point in our lives. But it made me laugh that the random noise he made today sounds like hi.

But the real HIGH of today is that my best friend had her baby! How fun that our kids are just 6 weeks apart!

Low: I dunno. But that's ok. Who wouldn't want to have a day with no lows?! Better than a day with no highs. :)

End of March

We waited SO LONG for it to be March and for him to get here, and now March is 30 hours from being over. I can't believe it. My mom said that she remembers this time when we were babies as "the days being so long, but the years being so short." I guess that's how it is going to be, because almost every night when I'm up every couple hours feeding and feeling sick from exhaustion and frustrated when he won't sleep, I want to cry and quit. But the fact that it feels like yesterday that he got here blows my mind too.

People talk about how hard it is, but it's indescribable until you're living through it. And I had more help than most people have. I married a guy who is willing to be totally hands on and have a mom that was willing to come and give up sleep for a month to do our cooking, laundry, and dishes and rock the baby to sleep after a 2am feeding so that I could get an extra 20 minutes of sleep before the next feeding. I don't know how people do it on their own.

Mike went back to work last week, so I try to be respectful and help him get as much sleep as possible since I don't have to drive to work and be human all day. Those 4 work nights were hard, and my mom stayed to bridge the transition. Now that she's gone, I will be on my own. Thankfully, the nights have gotten a little easier with a 4 hour stretch of sleep. (He'd sleep forever if I let him, but he wasn't gaining weight at the right speed at one point, so we make sure he wakes up to eat now.)

Without attempting to create them, I am starting to notice small patterns in our day. We pretty much get up in the 7 to 8 range and after he eats, he's pretty perky. He loves tummy time and back time in his rainforest gym in the square of family room sun. Then he eats again around 10 either at the breastfeeding group at the hospital that we visit on Tues/Thurs or during Kelly & Michael on the other days. (This is my new favorite daytime show because they're not annoying like everyone else. It's the only one I can stand!) Then he chills (sometimes awake, sometimes asleep) until the lunchtime feeding and I shower. (This is going to be a new logistic to figure out, because my mom or Mike hung out with him while I showered and he has an uncanny knack for crying when I go to shower. I will have to bring a chair upstairs or something.) After his lunchtime feeding, I eat and he usually sleeps more solidly. Then he eats again around GH time. After that though it's anybody's guess. Sometimes in the afternoon/evening he wants to eat ALL THE TIME. Sometimes he doesn't. That means a lot of dinner times he's in someone's lap. At some point he goes to sleep upstairs (in the crib! Yay!) and sleeps til the middle of the night when he gets up to eat again, then sleeps til 6 or 7 when we eat again and start all over.

10 Days Old

Today he is 10 days old and we've been home from the hospital for 8 days. Some things to remember later in life:

Likes:
Snuggling
His swing
His bouncy seat
Farting
Eating
Tummy Time
Getting dressed after getting changed or bathed
Sleeping in any place, any time, during daylight hours

Dislikes:
Pack 'n' Play/Crib
Being changed (#1 cause of screaming around here)
Bath time, even though it's only a sponge bath at this point
Sleeping without being held if it's night time
Having hands/arms inside a swaddle

Tidbits of Life:
Currently the inside front of his diaper has lots of vasoline to help with healing. We are hoping to get the ok to discontinue this practice at his doc appointment on Friday because vasoline keeps diapers from absorbing all the pee! We have all been peed on at this point. We tried a size up, but he's too tiny for them still so that didn't solve the problem.

He really thinks he has great head control. This leads to funny moments during tummy time and when he's ready to eat.

Knock on wood, but he isn't terribly fussy most of the time. He won't sleep all the time at night, but he will just lay in your arms and look around peacefully.

Walmart Brand "Faded Glory" size newborn clothing is smaller than the other newborn clothes we have. He is very very close to not fitting in his few outfits from there. That's sad, because the jungle outfit and blue argyle zipper-to-the-toe outfits are some of my favorites!

He has good hearing because he'll jump to sudden noises like pops. However you can talk in normal voices & have the TV on and it doesn't phase him if he's asleep.

Since he's 10 days old, I'm 10 days into my healing process. That has been the hardest part, because I'm not real mobile. I am ready to feel better in that department, for sure! Sleep deprivation is hard, pain is hard, but both combined is very hard. I'm the only one that can take care of food, but luckily Mike is taking care of pretty much everything else baby related and my mom is taking care of pretty much everything else life related so it's ok that I can't move much and take lots of medicine!

Baby Is Here!

To finish out the other blog, which was really about the journey to get here, I wrote a 3 part post about baby Derek's journey into the world. Now it's time to experience parenthood!

Part 1: http://jlsh935.blogspot.com/2013/03/baby-is-here-part-1.html
Part 2: http://jlsh935.blogspot.com/2013/03/baby-is-here-part-2.html
Part 3: http://jlsh935.blogspot.com/2013/03/baby-is-here-part-3.html

Photos: http://derekthomas.shutterfly.com/

Another Cross Post

Once there's a baby on the outside, I'm only keeping up one blog. But since I want the other blog to be the whole pregnancy, I'm cross posting with links until that happens.

Funny things kids have said in the last couple weeks ....

http://jlsh935.blogspot.com/2013/02/kid-isms.html

Super Hydration!

Due to my exciting morning in L&D (http://jlsh935.blogspot.com/2013/02/first-real-trip-to-l.html) I have spent today drinking a lot of water and Gatorade.

And eating Red Velvet White Chocolate Chip cookies from my friend, but that was just for fun.

One bonus of accidentally being home today is that I got to watch the live stream of the the Knot.com's Dream Wedding and see my friend and her mom in the audience. (They were there as relatives!) I also took a nap and watched some things on the DVR. Hubby stayed home with me after I got released even though I told him he could go back to work. I feel bad because he found out he was supposed to have his surprise work baby shower today. Bummer for him!

One upside of today's event is that the doc did everything in triage that he would have done at tonight's appointment, so I didn't have to go back at 4pm. Small bonuses!

The second draft of my book is in the hands of the editor now and I'm just waiting to see what the next step is and what else needs tweaking. I love the idea of editors because they exist to help me make things better!

Baby wise, we pretty much have everything we need except a baby. A couple things are in the mail still that we purchased with gift cards online, but other than that we are as ready as we'll ever be. The glider does need to be assembled at some point but it's in the building. The crib skirt material has been purchased but it's still in a bag. That's on my list but not my super important list.

The boys are supposed to jump out of a plane on Saturday, but now they're anticipating our next weather event to hit at that time. They're running out of time for that because the groupons expire soon!

Happy New Year!

Today marks the 3rd year in a row I've been pregnant in January. Here's hoping this pregnancy continues down it's path and leads to a "baby on the outside" in the next 10 or so weeks! :)

The Royal Baby To Be

Obviously out in the real world, we all have no idea if William and Kate have been trying to have a baby since the wedding or if they waited until recently to start trying. We only see the tabloids. But I'm happy for them that they are going to have a baby, and I hope everything goes well for them. I kept thinking in the back of my mind how horrible it would be for them if they were dealing with some kind of IF problem. It's hard enough to begin with, but I can't imagine how awful it would be if the entire world is focused on the state of your belly and whether or not you chose to have a glass of champagne at a party. Much like I'm sure it's hard to parent when the whole world watches your every move! I'm so glad I'm not famous.

Year 3 - Day 30 - January 30

So, this surprised us last week. We got to spend a couple days getting tentatively excited until Friday afternoon, when some early monitoring bloodwork and physical symptoms put up a red flag that there might be a problem. In attempts to make everything ok again I spent the whole weekend with my feet up taking a medicine to foster a good environment for it to stick. Sadly, today's repeat bloodwork showed that the medicine didn't work. Turns out, it sucks pretty bad even when you only know for a couple days. However, medically this event should be less stressful on my body as a whole due to the fact it's happening more than a month earlier. Hopefully that is true. I was off today because I wanted to stay off my feet until we knew if the meds were working and tomorrow was supposed to be a half day for a dr's appointment anyway so I upped it to a whole sick day. I plan on spending it being annoyed at the universe and more specifically my body. Then on Wednesday I will slap on my happy face and go teach the children. Someday it will be our turn, but I'm getting tired of waiting.

Year 2 - Day 281 - October 9

There was a manhunt near our town today. When I drove by, the helicopter was hovering over the neighborhood where the bad guys were supposedly on the loose. Crazy!

Many months ago, I was anxiously awaiting this day ... more recently I was dreading it. I was really busy, so it kept my sadness at bay for most of the day, but I was still pretty bummed. I think that's why I was willing to drive to PA to find my coat yesterday. I just needed to chill, drive in the sunshine, and solve the problem of "I want a specific coat and I want it NOW." I guess I should be happy I didn't decide I needed a piece of Tiffany jewelry or a Burberry purse while I was in the fancy mall, too?? Luckily today is also my MIL's birthday, so that gave me a reason to enjoy the day as well.

Year 2 - Day 272 - September 30

I really wanted to make a monthly photo book for the baby shower I'm attending tomorrow, but I didn't think it was going to happen. Life has been so busy lately that I haven't had time to sit down and create. I found it in me to stay up super late tonight and got it done just in time! This is the first one I've done for a girl, so it was fun to use my pink card stock and stickers after doing all boy things for the last two. :)

Year 2 - Day 151 - June 1

We had a baby shower at school today. The year I was married, there were something like 7 babies and 3 weddings. This year, we had this lone shower! We didn't even have any 2nd babies this year that I can remember. This is quite unusual for a staff our size & age, but it was nice to hang out and celebrate and see the adorable things she got for the baby boy to be!

Year 2 - Day 134 - May 15

I packed a whole lot of stuff into today.  Thank goodness it's summer and there is plenty of daylight! The best surprise of the day was that it didn't downpour. For days they were telling us of the horribly rainy weekend we'd be having, and then it didn't hapen. That was A-OK!

First, we packed our friends lives into two gigantic PODS. Great inventions, those PODS. Pop your stuff in and poof they appear at your next residence.

Then, I left them to their packing and headed off to a baby shower. It was lovely. I am very happy that the first baby shower I had to go to in this season of life was small, friendly, and low key. It made it much easier and I was able to enjoy myself. I was still sad at times, but I'm thinking that just doesn't go all the way away. It's good to have people to celebrate for!

Finally, I did the biggest grocery shopping excursion I've done in years. I actually spent $103, which is WAY more than I ever spend shopping.  But it was a ton of stock up things that drove up the price. AND, I saved $102. So really, it was an excellent trip. Plus I have $29 in store money to spend next week. Not too shabby!! :)

Year 2 - Day 105 - April 16

It's a major award!!!!!

Today, I got a package in the mail.  I wasn't sure what it was, but could tell through the wrapping that it was probably a book.  Being a librarian, this isn't unusual, but I couldn't figure out what it would be.  First I pulled out a piece of paper announcing "You're a winner!" (Duh. #winning!) It went on to explain that I won a sweepstakes sponsored by Lysol. (Insert joke from hubby here - You smell bad & are dirty! You win these things to make yourself clean!)

Apparently, back when I was pregnant, I entered a sweepstakes with one of the mailing lists I was on for coupons for new and soon to be moms.  I won this lovely book from the American Academy of Pediatrics.

We just laughed, because what can you do?! :) 

This marks the second time in my life I have won a sweepstakes - the other was a random drawing at Orioles Fan Fest for season tickets to Six Flags.  (As useful as this book, as I am scared of rides - I believe my brother used them) :)

Year 2 - Day 89 - March 31

Everytime I think I'm starting to get (mentally) better, something happens that kicks me in the stomach and knocks me back down.  With my insurance, every couple weeks they send an "Explaination of Benefits" that just breaks down the appointments, labs, etc.  I guess with other people they come less frequently, but it seems like that's how often I get mine. :)  Then I also get the little bills for the mini copays that go with tests. 

I had already received my EOB for the month of maternity visits and the first ultrasound.  But today, I got the EOB for all of the sad appointments.  Between two u/s and the surgery, my insurance paid out a big chunk of change that week.

The other paper was a bill from the hospital.  I figured it'd be the copay something that weekend, but no, it's for the copay for my very first appointment.  That means that months from now, I'll still be getting paperwork having to do with this.  I am so tired of being reminded of it every day.  It makes it a lot harder to move on mentally!

Year 2 - Day 69 - March 10

On January 30th, we found out I was pregnant.

On February 24, it looked like a jellybean.

Tonight I lost the baby.  It's odd - we didn't spread the word "just in case something happened."  But it happened, so I'm telling.  I know it makes no sense, but it is what it is.  I spent 15 years wondering if it would be possible for me to even get pregnant.  Then I spent 5 and a half weeks halfway not believing that it really happened.  Hopefully, after the recommended waiting time, it'll happen again.