Ok, so we have a new kid and she's pretty cool. I'll give this week credit for that much! But beyond that, I am finding pretty much nothing redeeming about it.
So first just the toddler had the juicy horrible cough, pale face, irrational crying, and fever. Then Daddy got pretty much the whole thing but he doesn't think he ever got the fever. At that point, baby and I moved to the bedroom. The thought of coughing or sneezing while purely moving from a laying down position was enough to make my eyes water was just too unbearable. Those 3 nights of being alone were so hard. I couldn't move easily at all, so she had to be pretty much attached to me. That isn't safe and worried me, so there wasn't much sleep on my part. Whenever I put her down she would scream, so that wasn't working well either. Even though the pack and play was right next to the bed I couldn't move from laying down to putting her in there smoothly so she always woke up. There was one glorious hour that she stayed asleep in there. Then she spit up all over herself and that was the end of that.
Meanwhile, the older kid missed a day of daycare with the fever and went to the doctors to check to see if by any chance there was a possibility of something that we could fix with medicine. Alas, it was just a virus. (One that won't end - he's healthy enough for school now, but still has a juicy cough and isn't learning as quickly as I would like about covering his mouth.) So that meant Daddy was on toddler duty 24/7 pretty much on top of feeling sick and miserable himself.
But then, I got the cough. Just barely, but enough to be painful. At least I didn't get it until a few days later, so I had healed a little more. And then, I got the fever. I had to go to the OB to get checked out since there are few unfortunate things that could cause a fever at this point. While they (I had a whole team - OB that I like, midwife that delivered Carrie, and the head nurse) decided that I had a virus rather than anything else, it involved examining all the repairs for problems or infection so that is back to last week's level of pain. Add the coughing and sneezing and I'm pretty sure I'm worse off than I was a few days ago. Not to mention the little bit of muscle/tissue tone that I had recovered in the recovery area is now gone again. That's super frustrating. My round the clock super doses of advil that they prescribed aren't helping anymore, but the super pain killers make me and the baby really drowsy so I'm trying to dole them out slowly to myself.
I miss my other kid, I miss being able to sit up. I see notes from other girls who had kids right around when I had Carrie and they're already out and about in the world and I can't even get to the bathroom by myself all the time. I'm also disheartened at the fact that the toddler has been coughing for 9 or 10 days already and I'm in this much pain from 24 hours of it. It's hard to see the light at the end of the pain tunnel!! Thank goodness my husband was able to take off more than 2 weeks of work. I don't know what I'd do if I was losing him in less than a week!
Attempting to find something positive:
Last night was the first night I could just sleep, and someone could bring me the baby when she was hungry. That was nice, except for the fact that I had to keep getting up and disinfecting myself and switching areas of the bed. Even though she's obviously been exposed to me, I didn't want her laying on skin and clothes I had just hacked and sneezed all over. But still better than being on my own all night!
Also, my OB is a really cool guy. We started talking about a few random things, and making sure people help me and all that jazz. I mentioned that lots of people want to help, but there are very few things I really need right now. I told him what I could really use is a magical medicine for viruses, someone to magically feed the baby for me, a new body from the belly button down, and 36 hours of straight sleep. I told him that when I ask people for new body parts or something else irrational, they laugh good naturedly, but then they give me chocolate covered strawberries as a peace offering. He said "BE RIGHT BACK!" and left the room. At that point the nurse started laughing and said careful what you wish for. Wouldn't you know, in 30 seconds he was back with a chocolate covered strawberry. Someone had happened to bring them in to work to celebrate the March birthdays. So that made me smile.
Tuesday, March 17, 2015
Friday, March 13, 2015
Carrie's Birth Story
For the week leading up to her appearance, I was routinely having 2 or 3 painless contractions about 10 minutes apart and then they would stop. This often happened in the middle of the night during my daily insomnia time in the 2-3am hour. Since Derek's contractions got bad at 3:30am I would pay attention to an extent, but they never got closer than 10 minutes apart.
The night she came, I was up at 2 and felt one, so I started reading on my tablet just so I could time the next one. I had a couple 15 minutes apart, a couple 10 minutes apart and then two at 5 minutes apart. I got excited then, but then they stopped. I was still feeling not quite right, but there weren't active contractions. I woke up Mike and said it might be time to call the doctor just to get advice because I wasn't feeling right, but that I wasn't sure. This was just before 3am. While I was listening to the message on the doctor's line about the pager number for the midwife on call, my water broke. More like exploded. Luckily I had been sleeping on a hospital pad for a week or so, so Mike just had to throw it at me and we managed to save the carpet. :) I called the midwife right at 3am and told her and she gave us the go-ahead to come on in.
Meanwhile, Mike threw the bags in the car and grabbed the few things on the list that weren't prepacked like the tablet, chargers, and camera. I knew the contractions could potentially get worse and quicker after the water breaking so I was ready to hit the road and got a little testy when he took time to brush his teeth and put in contacts. ;) Luckily we had some hospital pads and materials in a bag from my friend, so we wrapped me up in that stuff and grabbed another big one for the car and got out of here at 3:15.
I had several more painful contractions in the car that were lasting longer and longer. They were similar to the ones I had in the car last time, so I started thinking about the realistic concern of missing my epidural window. Last time I got to the hospital at 7.5cm and by the time they spent the 90+ minutes giving me fluids and waiting for the epidural guy, they put it in and I was at 9. They told me that was one of the reasons for being such an ineffective pusher which led to him getting stuck which led to the drop in heart rate which led to the vacuum which led to the tear. I spent a lot of time during this pregnancy wondering if I'd have the guts to turn down the epidural if I was faced with the same window to help me push better and avoid everything else.
When we got to the hospital, the girl checking me in was NOT in a hurry at all. I spent a lot more time waiting for her than I did last time. However it was still probably less than 10 minutes, maybe even as little as 5 since we left at 3:15 and it was only 3:30 at this point. They started getting really strong at that point, enough that just breathing through them wasn't working. Finally they took me to triage. I flopped on to the bed right at 3:30.
Then all heck broke loose. The worst contractions are from 7-10cm. That was the stuff I had for between 90min and 2 hours last time while waiting for the epidural. There aren't even words for those. I couldn't make words, just noises. I curled up in a ball on my side like I did last time because that helped last time. But she wouldn't let me stay there because she had to check and see where I was. I remember saying I was going to die - but that's probably a common complaint because she was just like Nope honey you're not but you do have to roll over! I was less than compliant. :) I also realized in my head at that point that I was probably out of time in the pain drugs department. Then she announced with a surprised voice "She's fully dilated, we have to get her to a room now!" My only response was "THERE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE DRUGS!" She said "Well, there are not going to be any of those. But there is going to be a baby - soon!"
Thankfully they wheeled me - last time I had to walk to my room. They ran - just like a TV show! The super painful animal contractions stopped and I could totally tell she was on her way. Again, just like TV I said something like I can't not push! She's coming right now! And then they wanted me to move to the other bed. Again, not very compliant. I was like nope how about right here. I have 3 marks on both an arm and leg that appear to be slight bruises from being moved - I imagine that's when I got those.
The next contraction they told me to push. I was still crying about how there were supposed to be drugs. Between the midwife, the two nurses, and Mike, someone finally convinced me that I was going to have to do this but that the pain would be over super quickly since she was so close. The next contraction her head was almost out, then I whined through one about the pain, and the next two pushes she was out - at 3:49.
So last time, the contractions went from annoying to painful to animalistic in 2.5 hours. This time it was about 5-10 minutes.
Having a baby without pain meds is so different. Seriously - the second after she was out I felt crazy good. Not only was I like dude I had a baby with no drugs! I was also feeling this super high of being not pregnant. The end of pregnancy is so horrible and uncomfortable, but the second she was out my heartburn stopped and I just felt - not pregnant. I don't know how else to describe it. My brain was also thinking no epidural, so no tear! I asked if I tore and apparently that's not something that is apparent very quickly.
Then all of a sudden all their faces got very serious and the midwife looked at me and said, we're going to need to wake up the doctor to fix this. Sigh. That's when I really lost it. That mentally hurt more than any of the physical pain, because I still remember last time. It took 2 hours for them to figure out the best plan of attack and then for the doctor to do it. I had a little novicane here and there while they worked, but without the epidural I had to endure a lot of the awfulness of the stitching, too. Again, worse than the birth because it just wouldn't end.
It's been almost a week now, and I'm still in pain. On top of that, the toddler and husband are both sick with a terrible cold. I can't even imagine having an illness that would make me sneeze or cough. Swallowing and sitting both hurt. I had to take her to her pediatrician appointment on Wednesday and sitting in the car and in the office made it even worse. So basically baby and I have been living in the bedroom. Occasionally in the height of his medicine effectiveness hubby showers, changes his clothes, and wears a mask to take her for a little while, and my mom's cold is very minor so she wears a mask to bring us food and spends some time sitting in the room. I did come down for the toddler's speech appointment on Thursday and wore a mask for my own protection from the boys. I miss them! That's the hardest part. I just don't want to get sick. I have a minor cold, my ears and nose are plugged, but I have only coughed 2 times. That was 2 times too many, but if I can just make it another week without getting the illness I'll be that much more healed and will be able to survive.
Luckily she is very mellow - how could she not be? She's been held for most of her life! :) She does like the rainforest mat with its music and lights and she liked the swing at one point too. She hasn't grown to love the buzzy chair yet, but I'm hoping that's next. She doesn't hate it, it just doesn't lull her to sleep like I want it to!
That's all the news from this corner of our world. :)
The night she came, I was up at 2 and felt one, so I started reading on my tablet just so I could time the next one. I had a couple 15 minutes apart, a couple 10 minutes apart and then two at 5 minutes apart. I got excited then, but then they stopped. I was still feeling not quite right, but there weren't active contractions. I woke up Mike and said it might be time to call the doctor just to get advice because I wasn't feeling right, but that I wasn't sure. This was just before 3am. While I was listening to the message on the doctor's line about the pager number for the midwife on call, my water broke. More like exploded. Luckily I had been sleeping on a hospital pad for a week or so, so Mike just had to throw it at me and we managed to save the carpet. :) I called the midwife right at 3am and told her and she gave us the go-ahead to come on in.
Meanwhile, Mike threw the bags in the car and grabbed the few things on the list that weren't prepacked like the tablet, chargers, and camera. I knew the contractions could potentially get worse and quicker after the water breaking so I was ready to hit the road and got a little testy when he took time to brush his teeth and put in contacts. ;) Luckily we had some hospital pads and materials in a bag from my friend, so we wrapped me up in that stuff and grabbed another big one for the car and got out of here at 3:15.
I had several more painful contractions in the car that were lasting longer and longer. They were similar to the ones I had in the car last time, so I started thinking about the realistic concern of missing my epidural window. Last time I got to the hospital at 7.5cm and by the time they spent the 90+ minutes giving me fluids and waiting for the epidural guy, they put it in and I was at 9. They told me that was one of the reasons for being such an ineffective pusher which led to him getting stuck which led to the drop in heart rate which led to the vacuum which led to the tear. I spent a lot of time during this pregnancy wondering if I'd have the guts to turn down the epidural if I was faced with the same window to help me push better and avoid everything else.
When we got to the hospital, the girl checking me in was NOT in a hurry at all. I spent a lot more time waiting for her than I did last time. However it was still probably less than 10 minutes, maybe even as little as 5 since we left at 3:15 and it was only 3:30 at this point. They started getting really strong at that point, enough that just breathing through them wasn't working. Finally they took me to triage. I flopped on to the bed right at 3:30.
Then all heck broke loose. The worst contractions are from 7-10cm. That was the stuff I had for between 90min and 2 hours last time while waiting for the epidural. There aren't even words for those. I couldn't make words, just noises. I curled up in a ball on my side like I did last time because that helped last time. But she wouldn't let me stay there because she had to check and see where I was. I remember saying I was going to die - but that's probably a common complaint because she was just like Nope honey you're not but you do have to roll over! I was less than compliant. :) I also realized in my head at that point that I was probably out of time in the pain drugs department. Then she announced with a surprised voice "She's fully dilated, we have to get her to a room now!" My only response was "THERE ARE SUPPOSED TO BE DRUGS!" She said "Well, there are not going to be any of those. But there is going to be a baby - soon!"
Thankfully they wheeled me - last time I had to walk to my room. They ran - just like a TV show! The super painful animal contractions stopped and I could totally tell she was on her way. Again, just like TV I said something like I can't not push! She's coming right now! And then they wanted me to move to the other bed. Again, not very compliant. I was like nope how about right here. I have 3 marks on both an arm and leg that appear to be slight bruises from being moved - I imagine that's when I got those.
The next contraction they told me to push. I was still crying about how there were supposed to be drugs. Between the midwife, the two nurses, and Mike, someone finally convinced me that I was going to have to do this but that the pain would be over super quickly since she was so close. The next contraction her head was almost out, then I whined through one about the pain, and the next two pushes she was out - at 3:49.
So last time, the contractions went from annoying to painful to animalistic in 2.5 hours. This time it was about 5-10 minutes.
Having a baby without pain meds is so different. Seriously - the second after she was out I felt crazy good. Not only was I like dude I had a baby with no drugs! I was also feeling this super high of being not pregnant. The end of pregnancy is so horrible and uncomfortable, but the second she was out my heartburn stopped and I just felt - not pregnant. I don't know how else to describe it. My brain was also thinking no epidural, so no tear! I asked if I tore and apparently that's not something that is apparent very quickly.
Then all of a sudden all their faces got very serious and the midwife looked at me and said, we're going to need to wake up the doctor to fix this. Sigh. That's when I really lost it. That mentally hurt more than any of the physical pain, because I still remember last time. It took 2 hours for them to figure out the best plan of attack and then for the doctor to do it. I had a little novicane here and there while they worked, but without the epidural I had to endure a lot of the awfulness of the stitching, too. Again, worse than the birth because it just wouldn't end.
It's been almost a week now, and I'm still in pain. On top of that, the toddler and husband are both sick with a terrible cold. I can't even imagine having an illness that would make me sneeze or cough. Swallowing and sitting both hurt. I had to take her to her pediatrician appointment on Wednesday and sitting in the car and in the office made it even worse. So basically baby and I have been living in the bedroom. Occasionally in the height of his medicine effectiveness hubby showers, changes his clothes, and wears a mask to take her for a little while, and my mom's cold is very minor so she wears a mask to bring us food and spends some time sitting in the room. I did come down for the toddler's speech appointment on Thursday and wore a mask for my own protection from the boys. I miss them! That's the hardest part. I just don't want to get sick. I have a minor cold, my ears and nose are plugged, but I have only coughed 2 times. That was 2 times too many, but if I can just make it another week without getting the illness I'll be that much more healed and will be able to survive.
Luckily she is very mellow - how could she not be? She's been held for most of her life! :) She does like the rainforest mat with its music and lights and she liked the swing at one point too. She hasn't grown to love the buzzy chair yet, but I'm hoping that's next. She doesn't hate it, it just doesn't lull her to sleep like I want it to!
That's all the news from this corner of our world. :)
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